For this pair of brothers – Todd who’s fifty five, living in rural Grove City and Kent who’s sixty one, living in rural Atwater – it started as “keeping an eye on mom” as she got older. Soon it evolved into the practice of caregiving as their mother edges closer to 90 years of age. Both brothers are now semi-retired due to their own health issues, but they still make time to visit their mother regularly. They helped her relocate to a senior citizen complex in Grove City, where she has her own room.
At her new home, their mother benefits from hot meals at noon and communal dining, as well as the sociability of being part of a community where residents look after each other and offer companionship. Their mother also receives bi-weekly occupational therapy and physical therapy sessions after a hospital stay when she had difficulty breathing.
Todd and Kent are present in their mother life and they’re starting to understand the instrumental role they play in her life at this stage, the same way she did for them when they were children. They work hard to care for her, creating a schedule so that one of them visits her nearly every day. A third brother, Scott lives a farther away from her, but still manages to visit her whenever he can. They make sure her weekly pill box is filled – she mother takes about a half-dozen medications. Both sons are also Mr. Fixits for her, ensuring that they respond to her distress calls. Not too long ago, their mother called Kent when she couldn’t locate her billfold. He found it in her silverware drawer and returned it to her.
So far, that’s working well, but there are signs, as her sons put it, that “age is catching up with her.” Recently, they had to make the hard decision to take away her car keys after she had an accident in the garage. It saddens both of them to see her aging in that way. But, they’re happy to be caring for their mother in return for all the care and love she gave them when they were children.
Todd and Kent chose to share some of their story with us because they know they could benefit from advice on caring for aging parents, especially since they’ve realized, when they became caregivers of their mother, that aren’t spaces to discussing this reality and get support for it. The TakeAction Senior Caucus is taking some of its first steps to begin this conversation, having hosted an event on caregiving in Wilmar this past September.
